Married to Medicine Recap: Who Said That?

Tonight, Married to Medicine provides not one but two additions to the Bravo pantheon of awkward sex talks, joining cringe moments like Shannon Beador’s daughters asking their father if he ever had wet dreams or Simone showing her son’s pictures of venereal diseases so graphic they had to be blurred for television. The sex talks from this episode span generations — Toya discusses PG-appropriate details about intercourse, while Tea reveals how she finds support for her age difference with Dr. G, prompting conversations about old balls and failed erections.

We’ve seen Toya’s sons, Ashton and Avery, graduate from toddler milestones to dealing with playground fights and now to being pre-pubescent with curious minds. At 13 and 11, the boys are closer to teenagehood than being babies, which opens the door to some frank and modern conversations about sex. After Toya notices them snickering about seeing a Playboy documentary in the steaming queue, she tells Eugene it’s time to have “The Talk.” Toya and Eugene both note that during their childhoods, their parents didn’t provide many, if any, details about sex (Eugene was merely given condoms and told that his father would kill him if he got a girl pregnant), but they want to break the cycle with their own kids.

The couple sits Ashton and Avery down and gives them the floor for any questions. Predictably, the boys who can barely say “penis” or “vagina” without smiling squirm in their seats, dodging the inevitably awkward conversation until their parents take the lead. They speak about the consequences of sex outside of procreation, bringing up crabs and chlamydia. Toya teaches them about orgasms, which Ashton pantomimes as an explosion in the crotch. Throughout it all, my face mirrored Avery’s appalled expression, but it was refreshing to see an example of a healthy, age-appropriate conversation about sex.

On the other end of the spectrum, to have open and honest conversations about her personal life, Tea says she turns to an “age-gap support group for Black women.” She discloses this fact while going wedding dress shopping with Toya, Heavenly, Phaedra, and a friend that she met in said support group. Phaedra refers to it as a group for sugar babies, but Tea and her friend adamantly say it’s just for people in relationships with significant age gaps. In their confessionals, Toya and Phaedra shadily hypothesize about issues that might arise in a relationship with a 23-year age difference, such as sagging balls or inquiring what a VCR is. Tea offers in her confessional that their age gap is so glaring that she’s been out at the bar, and strangers have pulled her aside to ask her if she’s safe. Yikes!

Tea’s age-gap support group returns at Toya’s launch party for her new wine subscription service, Toya’s Wine Club. Everyone (minus Quad) gathers to celebrate Toya the businesswoman, which is a new version of Toya we haven’t seen yet. The event gets off to a rocky start when Heavenly breaches the topic of the support group, describing it as “therapy for dating older men.” Tea immediately responds with “Who said that?” in the exact tone from that iconic moment on RHOA. It’s no surprise that Phaedra is again the originator of a rumor that sparks such a shrill response, but this is what happens when you play telephone with Heavenly — whatever comes out at the end will always be shadier than it originated. And I’m sure it came to her with shade already generously sprinkled on it since it came from Phaedra. Tea is heavily on the defense as she’s still stung by Phaedra and Toya’s messy constructive criticism during wedding dress shopping when they suggested Tea needed to wear a girdle. She found the comments to be rude, which I agree with (Phaedra needs to stop with the flat-ass comments), but Tea is a little bit of a fish out of water; I’m not sure she’s fully aware of the world she’s in now and the women she’s dealing with. Girl, you’re on Bravo now, where, as Phaedra pointed out, these women think shapewear is not an option but a foundation. But “kadooze” to her for not subscribing to such restricting body standards!

Dr. G’s young bride’s naivety and young age show heavily in this episode: Tea brags about serving her man on real plates, not paper plates, and the tag on her new dress hangs hilariously as she gets up to leave Toya’s event. It all screams, “I’m a young woman plucked from a normal life who maneuvered my way onto Bravo.” To make matters worse, Tea starts to boil (sorry, I had to sneak the pun in there) under the pressure of the women’s messy questions and the constant mention of Quad, then excuses herself to the bathroom, where Simone comforts her. There’s an element of hazing going on. She’s not only the new girl but Gregory’s new girl. But again, what did she expect? To come onto this show with this cast and not have her feet held to the fire regarding the absurd circumstance that landed her on the cast? As Jackie said, if I divorce my husband, I expect my girls not to be friends with the new woman.

Later on, Phaedra has lunch with Gregory for a friend-to-friend chat about his engagement and doesn’t miss another chance to bring up Tea’s flat ass. Phaedra questions if he’s afraid of getting married again, but Greg says that he feels safe with Tea, unlike how he felt with Quad. They speak about the age difference, with Phaedra accurately calling Greg “Paw Paw,” but Greg says it was Tea who pursued him. Then Phaedra puts her attorney hat on and asks if Greg will have a prenup, which he says he will. All in all, Tea and Gregory’s relationship gets the stamp of approval from Phaedra — not that Phaedra’s opinion holds that much weight.

This episode also features Miss Quad making her real comeback, joining Phaedra for kiki at Phaedra’s house. Before the official cast announcement, there were rumblings from fans speculating that Quad wouldn’t return for this season at all, and as the premiere showed us, she wasn’t involved with filming initially. Apart from her scene with Phaedra, she scarcely appears in this episode as well, stating she had to take a step back from the circle of friends. She’s on the outs with virtually everyone: Toya is still upset over Quad’s allegations that Toya set up a robbery at old cast member Anila’s house; Quad is harboring resentment toward Heavenly because of the disparaging rumors Heavenly has spread; Jackie and Simone have been growing distant from Quad for years. But, coincidentally, Quad reemerged in the group after Tea started filming.

Phaedra and Quad are a match made in Bravo cross-over heaven; they both have similar styles, wigs laid to the gods, and a love for a good ole twerk session. They’re quintessentially Atlanta and also share a habit of spilling tea (no matter if it’s true or false), stirring the pot, and delivering a fierce read. Quad catches us up on what she’s been up to between the seasons, including her international travels and her new boyfriend, who we must only refer to as “Gentleman,” exposing another similarity with Phadrea, who also has an anonymous boyfriend. But at least we get to see Quad’s man’s face.

The women quickly address the thirty-one-year-old elephant in the room as Phaedra informs Quad on how Tea is integrating into the group. Quad shares her feelings about some of the women quickly cozying up to her ex-husband’s new fiance. She’s not surprised at all by Toya. However, she’s hurt by Heavenly, who still hasn’t reached out to repair their relationship. Quad is known to be extremely stubborn with a penchant for holding grudges, but it’s apparent that Tea’s presence will be enough to bring her back into the group. Next week teases Quad’s first appearance at a group event this season, which also happens to be Tea’s bachelorette.

Doctor’s Orders

• I’m going to start a Change.org petition to go back to the old M2M theme song that I still sing around my house. I hate the autotuned nonsense of the last few years, and the names flow terribly this season, which makes it worse.

• Let’s give Dr. Jackie a round of applause for improving her work/life balance. In season one, Jackie would never take her last patient at 2 p.m.! It’s great to see her pass the torch to Dr. Bullard. And it was fun seeing her appointment with Da Brat. Where else other than Married to Medicine would we get to watch Da Brat beatbox to her unborn baby’s heartbeat during an ultrasound?

• I think we were all confused about Quad’s DUI that Toya brought up, as there is no public record of an alleged arrest for driving under the influence. She clears it up in this episode, stating that she was merely cited, declined a field test, and the case was eventually thrown out. Regardless, Toya definitely came ready to play and ready to get revenge for Quad’s disparaging accusation from last season.

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