Its Time to Forgive Rory Gilmore for Being Imperfect

The Big Picture

• Rory Gilmore's character development in Gilmore Girls is a realistic depiction of adolescence's messy and imperfect nature. Fans should give her some grace.
• Rory's "fall from grace" includes poor decisions like losing her virginity to her married ex-boyfriend and briefly dropping out of Yale, but she is still a young adult figuring out life.
• Viewers shouldn't expect Rory to be perfect and should understand that her mistakes are common for young adults. Her character growth in the show is a reflection of real-life struggles.

Gilmore Girls is like the TV show equivalent of your favorite sweater. It's warm, comforting, nostalgic, and it fits just right. So it's no surprise Gilmore Girls has become a staple Fall rewatch for so many. Set in the wonderfully quirky, fictional Connecticut town of Stars Hollow, the show paints an idyllic picture of small-town life that has stood the test of time. In the show's early seasons, Rory (short for Lorelai) Gilmore (Alexis Bledel) is the golden child of Stars Hollow. She is the type-A, overachieving, mildly awkward bookworm the show's target demographic dreams of being. And her relationship with her mom, Lorelai Gilmore (Lauren Graham), is one of the most iconic TV mother-daughter relationships ever. The two share a bond (and a name) that is closer to that of sisters or best friends than it is to a parent and child. But when Rory graduates from high school and heads off to Yale in the show's fourth season, her once-perfect veneer begins to show cracks, causing some fans to unfairly write her off for simply being human.

Gilmore Girls

A dramedy centering around the relationship between a thirtysomething single mother and her teen daughter living in Stars Hollow, Connecticut.

It's Time For 'Gilmore Girls' Fans To Show Rory Gilmore Some Grace

Rory Gilmore's transition into adulthood is faced with some major missteps and poor decisions, but isn't that precisely what being in college is about? Many Gilmore Girls fans consider Rory to be downright unlikable by the end of the series (and in the 2016 revival), wishing she was still the same bright-eyed, lovable teen from the show's early seasons. But, Rory starts the show just shy of her 16th birthday and ends the show as a 22-year-old college graduate. Gilmore Girls is a complete portrait of Rory’s journey through adolescence, and adolescence is famously messy, imperfect, and chaotic. Instead of lamenting over her character change and gradual loss of innocence, perhaps it is time for fans to grant Rory some grace, and even appreciation, for not passing through that period of her life with flying colors. Perfection is impossible to achieve, and the show does its fans a service by not trying to pretend otherwise.

Many Fans Believe These Two Moments Ruined Rory Gilmore

Two moments, in particular, define Rory's so-called "fall from grace" in Gilmore Girls. The first is when she loses her virginity to her then-married ex-boyfriend, Dean Forrester (Supernatural's Jared Padalecki), and the second is when she (briefly) decides to drop out of Yale before her junior year. Both of these are poor decisions on Rory's part that stem from a deep-rooted sense of entitlement and fear of rejection. They are undeniably tough scenes to watch, especially for a character that viewers want to see succeed. However, before diving into the specifics of these mistakes, it is important to remember that Rory is only 19 and 20, respectively, when these events occur. More importantly, to also remember that Rory lived an extremely sheltered life before college in a town where it was practically held as fact that she could do no wrong.

Rory and Dean's Affair Left a Bad Taste in 'Gilmore Girls' Fans' Mouths

When Rory chooses Yale over Harvard, she retains the ability to keep one foot firmly planted in her Stars Hollow life, for better or for worse. Going to school close to home allows her to visit Stars Hallow on the weekends and maintain close relationships with her family, friends, and past lovers. One of these relationships is with her first boyfriend, Dean. Dean and Rory begin dating in her sophomore year of high school before she ultimately leaves him for Milo Ventimiglia's cool bad boy, Jess Mariano. The two eventually move past this, rekindling a friendship during her first year at Yale. In the final few episodes of Season 4, the show resumed the rivalry between Jess and Dean that made up the bulk of Rory's storylines in the second and third seasons, with both boys once again fighting for Rory's favor. When she chooses not to run away with Jess in the season's penultimate episode, "Last Week Fights, This Week Tights," it is clear that Dean and Rory's romance is about to make a return.

After his initial breakup with Rory, Dean dates and quickly marries his classmate Lindsay (Arielle Kebbel), but it's clear he still has unresolved feelings for Rory. Lindsay is not blind to Dean's lingering desires, and his and Rory's continuing relationship begins to put a strain on their marriage. Lindsay eventually forbids Dean from seeing Rory, which he promptly ignores. It's clear that Dean is unhappy about his shotgun marriage, an obvious and extreme attempt to rebound from Rory, which Rory can see as well. All of these unresolved feelings come to a head in the Gilmore Girls Season 4 finale, "Raincoats and Recipes", when Rory has sex for the first time, losing her virginity to Dean in her childhood bed. The A-plot of the episode revolves around Lorelai's and Sookie's (Melissa McCarthy) new inn opening, and both Dean and Rory are in attendance. They nearly share a kiss while helping set up for the opening when Dean confesses he is relieved Rory didn't get back together with Jess, but they are interrupted.

Later, Rory runs home to grab a stack of CDs and, to no surprise, Dean follows her. He tells Rory point-blank "It's not working with Lindsay. I can't make it work." Rory still tries, albeit halfheartedly, to offer help to fix his relationship, reminding him of the statistics saying that the first two years of marriage are known to be the hardest and suggesting that he and Lindsay should maybe try taking a trip together. In fact, she is the one who brings up Lindsay in the first place when it is clear Dean has come over to resume the moment they'd shared earlier that afternoon. The two of them kiss and proceed to have sex, but only after she has asked Dean multiple times that both he and Lindsay believe the marriage is over. Sure, Rory is in the wrong here and could have done more to reject Dean's advances, but she is not the villain in this story. Dean is.

Rory's lack of remorse in the episodes that follow is concerning, providing an exemplary example of her sense of entitlement. And, her most cringey line: "He's not a married guy! He's Dean! My Dean!" That said, the scene is not the malicious moment that many fans make it out to be. If anything, it is a moment of pure naivety stemming from her sheltered life and trusting outlook. Rory makes a big mistake, but she is still a kid. Looking back, she also encouraged Dean to work it out with Lindsay rather than turning to her instead.

Why Did Rory Drop Out of Yale in 'Gilmore Girls'?

Rory Gilmore's other major defining mistake during Gilmore Girls' original seven seasons is when she decides not to return to Yale for the fall semester of her junior year. This takes place at the end of Season 5, during her relationship with Logan Huntzberger (Matt Czuchry), the last of her main three iconic love interests throughout the course of the show. From the beginning of Gilmore Girls, viewers were repeatedly reminded that it has always been Rory's dream to be a journalist — specifically, the next Christiane Amanpour — a dream she works toward during her time at Yale. In her sophomore year, she begins an internship at the Stamford Eagle Gazette, a newspaper owned by none other than Mitchum Huntzberger (Gregg Henry), Logan's wealthy and intimidating father. Despite her less-than-ideal situation of working for her boyfriend's dad, Rory appears to be doing fairly well at the paper while also balancing her classes and position at the Yale Daily News. That is, until her performance review with Mitchum.

In "Blame Booze and Melville" (Season 5, Episode 21), Mitchum sits Rory down for a quick end-of-internship performance review. He tells her he has a pretty good idea of whether someone has "that certain something to make it in journalism." Then, he delivers the crushing blow: "You don't got it." At that moment, Rory's whole world comes tumbling down. All her life she's gotten everything she wanted – the grades, the guy, the perfect body despite subsisting on only junk food and candy. This is the first time she has had to grapple with the realization that she may not be perfect, and it is a difficult pill for her to swallow. Perhaps if she had the chance to develop thicker skin, this comment would have been motivating rather than soul-crushing. But that is not her reality, and she does not take the news well. It is one of the most infamous moments in the show and one of Rory's most criticized. However, should viewers have expected anything else seeing as how, up until this moment, Rory has lived a life relatively free of loss and failure?

Rory reacts to this news the way any sane person would, by stealing a yacht with her billionaire boyfriend. Sure, this was over-the-top, but it's a television show. TV characters get away with much weirder stuff. What is remembered more than her bizarre boat-heist is her revelation that she does not plan on going back to Yale for the upcoming fall semester, instead deciding to spend that time participating with her grandmother Emily (Kelly Bishop) in the DAR. This decision seems wildly out of character for someone whose entire identity has been built around attending an Ivy League college, but maybe it's just what she needed. Ultimately, she ends up going back to school after having some sense talked into her by none other than her ex-boyfriend, Jess, whom the show tries so hard to redeem. But, maybe the girl who has known nothing but intense academic stress her entire life needed some time to just be. Rather than a character flaw, her decision not to go to Yale was one of the few moments viewers got to see a vulnerable side of Rory. Despite always appearing on top of everything, she really never learned how to take care of herself and her mental health.

'Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life' Didn't Give Rory Much Character Growth

In reality, Rory Gilmore was never perfect, and to uphold her to a standard of perfection is unfair both to her character and to the viewers. Yes, she makes a lot of mistakes. She sleeps with a married man, briefly drops out of college, and is unable to cope with failure. However, these are by no means exceptionally rare mistakes for young adults to make, especially by TV show standards. In Gilmore Girls' original run, Rory transitions from a teenager to a young adult, and she should have permission to make these mistakes. In Gilmore Girls' controversial Season 7 finale, Rory chooses her career over marriage to Logan, taking a reporting job covering Barack Obama's presidential campaign. It is a bittersweet sendoff that leaves the fans with hope for her future success. Unfortunately, as shown in Netflix's 2016 revival, Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life, she doesn't quite achieve the levels of success fans had hoped for, still making the same mistakes at 32 that she was at 19. So, while it is time to forgive young Rory Gilmore for her imperfections, the older version of her may still have some explaining to do.

Gilmore Girls is streaming on Netflix in the U.S.

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